I wrote a huge response to this, and lost it. Arrgh.
The gist of it was how incredibly impressed I am that you have done this. It's a huge thing, and many people wouldn't even contemplate going through what you have done. I'm sure your grades are much better than you fear, and I know Andy is proud of you (as am I, for what that's worth) for seeing it through.
I also wanted to make an argument for paid, or at least regular, work. There are a couple of good reasons to think about that, which I rambled on about at some length before, but hopefully will be able to put more concisely here.
When I was at home with no particular structure to my days, and with my role in the family being the caretaker of the house and the kids, I was glad to be doing it, but I wasn't, by any stretch of the imagination, fulfilled by it. Whilst I rather like the house being tidy, I do not enjoy getting it that way, and have no interest in managing my time in order for it to be that way all the time. Consequently, one of the main roles I fulfilled were not being done well at all, and it really bit into my self-esteem. It also damaged my self-esteem that my big achievement of the day might be cleaning the bathroom. My God, is that all there is to life, you know? That might make some people feel good, but it didn't do it for me. I loved being there for the kids, though.
The lack of structure in my life meant that there was no due date for getting things done, so they just didn't get done. (Once again, my self-esteem was slipping). And many of the things I knew I could do really well, and rather enjoyed, I wasn't able to do. Like you, I studied, and that helped, but once again, I had to impose discipline on myself to get things done on time, because there was nothing pushing me.
Even though we were surviving on one income, none of it was coming from me. And regardless of my husband's feelings on the fact, I felt that, because of that, I did not have equal say in how the money should be spent, or an equal role in our partnership. This may not apply to you, but it certainly did to me.
In the end, it was important for me to go back to work. Yes, maybe there are people out there who need the money more than I do, but my happiness is a pretty important consideration. I *am* a lot happier. Things get done, even though, now I have more commitments to work around. I'm not with the kids as much, but when I *am* around them, I am happier, and coping much better.
I would hate to see you lose the impetus you have now. I'd hate to see you slide into unhappiness because you aren't doing the things that make you happy. Volunteer work is a really great thing, and if that works for you, fantastic! But when you're paid to be somewhere, there's no putting it off, you have to go, you have to do the things you are employed to do, and that actually gets you out of bed in those mornings you'd rather not.
I'm not trying to tell you what to do. I'm offering you some thoughts on my experience. This was the right thing for *me*. It may (or may not) be the right thing for you. Either way, I know you have Andy's love and support, and I know you'll survive financially. I will just remind you that your happiness is incredibly important, so please make sure you factor that into whatever decision you make in the end.
Congratulations, honey. You certainly deserve all success that comes through your grades, and more!
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The gist of it was how incredibly impressed I am that you have done this. It's a huge thing, and many people wouldn't even contemplate going through what you have done. I'm sure your grades are much better than you fear, and I know Andy is proud of you (as am I, for what that's worth) for seeing it through.
I also wanted to make an argument for paid, or at least regular, work. There are a couple of good reasons to think about that, which I rambled on about at some length before, but hopefully will be able to put more concisely here.
When I was at home with no particular structure to my days, and with my role in the family being the caretaker of the house and the kids, I was glad to be doing it, but I wasn't, by any stretch of the imagination, fulfilled by it. Whilst I rather like the house being tidy, I do not enjoy getting it that way, and have no interest in managing my time in order for it to be that way all the time. Consequently, one of the main roles I fulfilled were not being done well at all, and it really bit into my self-esteem. It also damaged my self-esteem that my big achievement of the day might be cleaning the bathroom. My God, is that all there is to life, you know? That might make some people feel good, but it didn't do it for me. I loved being there for the kids, though.
The lack of structure in my life meant that there was no due date for getting things done, so they just didn't get done. (Once again, my self-esteem was slipping). And many of the things I knew I could do really well, and rather enjoyed, I wasn't able to do. Like you, I studied, and that helped, but once again, I had to impose discipline on myself to get things done on time, because there was nothing pushing me.
Even though we were surviving on one income, none of it was coming from me. And regardless of my husband's feelings on the fact, I felt that, because of that, I did not have equal say in how the money should be spent, or an equal role in our partnership. This may not apply to you, but it certainly did to me.
In the end, it was important for me to go back to work. Yes, maybe there are people out there who need the money more than I do, but my happiness is a pretty important consideration. I *am* a lot happier. Things get done, even though, now I have more commitments to work around. I'm not with the kids as much, but when I *am* around them, I am happier, and coping much better.
I would hate to see you lose the impetus you have now. I'd hate to see you slide into unhappiness because you aren't doing the things that make you happy. Volunteer work is a really great thing, and if that works for you, fantastic! But when you're paid to be somewhere, there's no putting it off, you have to go, you have to do the things you are employed to do, and that actually gets you out of bed in those mornings you'd rather not.
I'm not trying to tell you what to do. I'm offering you some thoughts on my experience. This was the right thing for *me*. It may (or may not) be the right thing for you. Either way, I know you have Andy's love and support, and I know you'll survive financially. I will just remind you that your happiness is incredibly important, so please make sure you factor that into whatever decision you make in the end.
Congratulations, honey. You certainly deserve all success that comes through your grades, and more!