willowisp | (no subject)

Doing Friday errands lent a sense of normality which was nice for a change. Afterward we decided to leave homemade dinner for tomorrow since I'd not defrosted the ingredients in time. Instead we had pizza in deference to GNO, which didn't happen this week due to folks being out of town. The respite from chaos was brief, however: it looks like I'll be going to Rome from the 10th-13th. We've rescheduled my part of Friday for Wednesday, so at least I won't be missing any time.

Gerry called the doctor today. She said it's hard to gauge, and that Grandpa could have a week, or it could be a month. Not "months", but "a month". She didn't know he was planning on going off of chemo, and warned Gerry that if Grandpa does so voluntarily that they will assume he's given up and no longer treat him (I hope pain killers aren't considered medical treatment for purposes of the exercise), which means Roswell won't even look at him if he does. Provided the storm hitting the northeast lets up this weekend, Gerry and Mom plan to discuss it with Grandpa when they're all in the same room. I just hope Mom doesn't tell Aunt Eileen, who has been known to call Grandpa in hysterics in similar situations in the past. I'd rather he be introduced to the situation by people who are a bit less agitated.

The fun part about this whole thing is that the Roswell trip for his surgery is Jan 9th. Due to USAir's new rules, I can't change an itinerary on or after the departure date. If he doesn't go to Roswell this won't be a problem. If he does, I'll have to hope Mom remembers to call on Thursday to tell me if the surgery is going on. If it is, I need to reschedule since he won't be home for the weekend if the surgery occurs. It's hard to decide what to hope for at this point, other than a minimum of suffering on Grandpa's part.

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My best wishes for your grandpa and your family.
I've been though some similar stresses, these last six months, so I can commiserate.

I remember, vaguely. I first encountered you through

le_merle's journal when it was happening. I think I may've commented once or twice, and I included your name in a post talking about how anyone who cared for their grandfather should lock him up in a safe place until that particular month was over. Last year seemed to be hard on a lot of grandfathers of people I knew.

Don't worry -- no longer treating the cancer doesn't mean they won't do anything they can to make sure he is comfortable. What your family will want to do is look into hospice care -- medical staff who can make sure he has pain medication and is as comfortable as possible for the life he has left.

I'm a little confused about the Aunt Eileen part -- what situation is your grandpa going to be introduced to?

Ah -- the nurse friend who e-mailed Mom in the first place had recommended hospice. I am vaguely familiar with it, though not so familiar as I should be. I thought they were a volunteer organization which did things like grocery shop for the person and such. I also seem to recall that to qualify for hospice, you have to promise you won't try to get treatment any more. Is this just something I badly mis-remember?

> I'm a little confused about the Aunt Eileen part -- what situation is your grandpa going to be introduced to?

Gerry and Mom don't know if Grandpa realizes that voluntarily giving up chemo will make him ineligible for other treatment... such as the surgery at Roswell. It may well be that he already plans not to go, so it may not be a big deal, but it could also be a consequence he hadn't considered. It will be much better, though, to hear it as "We thought you might need to know <info>" rather than "Don't you dare go off of chemo they won't be able to do surgery you have no right to let yourself die because we still need you".

Hospice care is basically for folks who have illnesses that no longer respond to medical treatment designed to cure them. They provide comfort, support, and medical care (including pain and other maintenance medication) and they also have counseling services to help both the person who is dying and the family deal with the loss. I don't know if you have to promise not to get treatment anymore, but I doubt it. There's a lot of information on hospice care at http://www.hospicefoundation.org/what_is/ and also http://www.hospicefoundation.org/what_is/myths.htm

And giving up chemo doesn't automatically disqualify you from other medical treatments. Choosing not to use one treatment doesn't get you voted off the island, so to speak. But it's also likely that the surgery isn't going to be effective unless it is accompanied by chemotherapy and he has decided to forgo both because they no longer offer him a reasonable chance of recovery.

And it would be incredibly cruel to say something like "Don't you dare go off of chemo they won't be able to do surgery you have no right to let yourself die because we still need you" to your grandfather. He's not choosing to die; he doesn't have any control over that. He wants to die as peacefully and painlessly as possible, and when death is an unfortunate inevitability, that really is what is best for him *and* for his family.

RePain control and hospice: second tyee's comments entirely.

I'm very sorry, willowisp.