Having done the whole funeral thing twice recently, I sympathize.
Remember to breathe often. Literally take a couple breaths as deep as you can and then exhale completely, a coupld times a day. When you are grieving and stressed, you breathe shallow tight breaths without even noticing. Remember to eat at least a bit, even if you aren't hungry. Remember to drink fluids too -- dehydration can give you awful headaches.
For the funeral, I agree with gconnor that funerals aren't really for the deceased. But while you do need to consider the feelings of your family members, you also need to do what *you* want and are comfortable with. If that means singing for your grandfather, then do that unless someone has really strong feelings about you not singing. If you really don't want to sing, then don't. You are under no obligation to do it, even if you mentioned before that you might do it. You can say that his death has hit you harder than you thought and you aren't comfortable doing it anymore. And that's *true*. And if you are comfortable doing it and you want to, go for it -- your voice is lovely, and even if you sounded like Colby when she's getting her nails trimmed, people wouldn't mind. Same goes for the eulogy. If you write something that you want to say, ask to say it.
And remember that things will be hard when you get there. It will probably seem more real. You won't have your usual comfortable, safe surroundings. Try to take some time every day with callicrates to just rest. Especially when you aren't sleeping well (which may or may not be the case) but even if you are, a little down time every day will help keep you sane.
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Date: 2003-02-17 10:42 pm (UTC)Having done the whole funeral thing twice recently, I sympathize.
Remember to breathe often. Literally take a couple breaths as deep as you can and then exhale completely, a coupld times a day. When you are grieving and stressed, you breathe shallow tight breaths without even noticing. Remember to eat at least a bit, even if you aren't hungry. Remember to drink fluids too -- dehydration can give you awful headaches.
For the funeral, I agree with gconnor that funerals aren't really for the deceased. But while you do need to consider the feelings of your family members, you also need to do what *you* want and are comfortable with. If that means singing for your grandfather, then do that unless someone has really strong feelings about you not singing. If you really don't want to sing, then don't. You are under no obligation to do it, even if you mentioned before that you might do it. You can say that his death has hit you harder than you thought and you aren't comfortable doing it anymore. And that's *true*. And if you are comfortable doing it and you want to, go for it -- your voice is lovely, and even if you sounded like Colby when she's getting her nails trimmed, people wouldn't mind. Same goes for the eulogy. If you write something that you want to say, ask to say it.
And remember that things will be hard when you get there. It will probably seem more real. You won't have your usual comfortable, safe surroundings. Try to take some time every day with callicrates to just rest. Especially when you aren't sleeping well (which may or may not be the case) but even if you are, a little down time every day will help keep you sane.
Call me if you need me. Either of you.