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Nov. 8th, 2002 11:17 pmThe flights to Syracuse were relatively uneventful. Memo to self: change name on frequent flier account to my legal name. Luckily Cat does happen to be the first three letters of my middle name, and my driver's license has my full middle name, but having two different names means automatic search, at least at RDU (the people at PHL said the RDU folk were silly for searching me when the names were so obviously alike). As is usual with RDU to SYR flights, I was out of the terminal building several minutes before the plane was scheduled to land.
I was going to give Grandpa the carnations left from the flight, but Mom said it I shouldn't. It turns out he is so sick that people have to wear masks when entering the room. It felt sort of odd; I kept wondering if my voice would be muffled.
So anyway, Grandpa's condition:
Just to add an ugly development into the mix, Mary has decided he's dying. She berated Mom for not calling all of her siblings to Rome to say goodbye. The theory has been put forth that she may be jealous of all the attention Grandpa is receiving. One or more of my relatives are worried that she should not be alone with Grandpa lest she convince him that he's dying and thus it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The notion of a possible development of Munchausen by Proxy on her part has also been floated, but even at my most paranoid I'm not sure about that.
I listened to Mom as she called Aunt Eileen, Gerry, and Uncle Rich. My take is that she is very uncertain as to Grandpa's condition. On the one hand he looks better today than yesterday, but on the other he's running a slight fever today.
Reusing that same pair of hands, on one he has some daunting things to overcome: pneumonia, bacterial infections, the effects of dehydration and not being able to keep anything down for some part of a week, and all this on top of cancer. On the other, he's in a hospital being treated for the infections and the pneumonia and getting blood and platelets which have made him appear healthier even than he did at Christmas Eve in October. Basically, she very much wants to believe he'll pull through once the meds kick in, but she's fully aware of how serious it is.
As for me: I don't know. I tossed and turned all last night and in those awful late/early hours when all of the worst things seem possible, had convinced myself that Grandpa would die while I was here, or even before I arrived. He does look better, but he already seems to have given up, at least in some part. He brought up funeral arrangements to Mom last night. I hope he beats this, then beats his cancer into remission and buys a few years to see his newest grandson and his two great grandsons grow up. Seeing him today has in no way assured me that this might be the case.
Oh well. As Mom pointed out while talking to her various siblings, Grandpa could have a heart attack or could be hit by a car while leaving the hospital with a clean bill of health. The best we can do right now is try to gauge how he is, but since none of us can tell the future, maybe it's better to dwell on the here-and-now. I have two more days to visit him this time around; I'll be making the most of it.
I was going to give Grandpa the carnations left from the flight, but Mom said it I shouldn't. It turns out he is so sick that people have to wear masks when entering the room. It felt sort of odd; I kept wondering if my voice would be muffled.
So anyway, Grandpa's condition:
- Oct 24th: ENT tells him that the cancer has spread, he should go off of chemo and go for hospice.
- Oct 31st: Chemo therapist (who may or may not be his oncologist) hears this and says the ENT is on crack. More specifically, she says the cancer has shrunk, but that she'll need to change the chemo drug because his platelet count is low.
They also discover Grandpa has pneumonia and she wants to admit him to the hospital. He declines, then tells people that it was simply an infection. - November 6th: Grandpa is taken to the hospital. Among other things he is dehydrated and has pneumonia. Mom still is unaware and calls me to say he he's dehydrated and has a massive infection.
- November 8th: I fly in to visit. Grandpa now has three pints of blood, several doses of platelets, and antibiotics and saline IV feeds. While I'm visiting he reveals that blood tests have found two different bacterial infections. That's when he tells Mom that it was the pneumonia the chemo therapist had wanted to put him in the hospital for.
Just to add an ugly development into the mix, Mary has decided he's dying. She berated Mom for not calling all of her siblings to Rome to say goodbye. The theory has been put forth that she may be jealous of all the attention Grandpa is receiving. One or more of my relatives are worried that she should not be alone with Grandpa lest she convince him that he's dying and thus it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The notion of a possible development of Munchausen by Proxy on her part has also been floated, but even at my most paranoid I'm not sure about that.
I listened to Mom as she called Aunt Eileen, Gerry, and Uncle Rich. My take is that she is very uncertain as to Grandpa's condition. On the one hand he looks better today than yesterday, but on the other he's running a slight fever today.
Reusing that same pair of hands, on one he has some daunting things to overcome: pneumonia, bacterial infections, the effects of dehydration and not being able to keep anything down for some part of a week, and all this on top of cancer. On the other, he's in a hospital being treated for the infections and the pneumonia and getting blood and platelets which have made him appear healthier even than he did at Christmas Eve in October. Basically, she very much wants to believe he'll pull through once the meds kick in, but she's fully aware of how serious it is.
As for me: I don't know. I tossed and turned all last night and in those awful late/early hours when all of the worst things seem possible, had convinced myself that Grandpa would die while I was here, or even before I arrived. He does look better, but he already seems to have given up, at least in some part. He brought up funeral arrangements to Mom last night. I hope he beats this, then beats his cancer into remission and buys a few years to see his newest grandson and his two great grandsons grow up. Seeing him today has in no way assured me that this might be the case.
Oh well. As Mom pointed out while talking to her various siblings, Grandpa could have a heart attack or could be hit by a car while leaving the hospital with a clean bill of health. The best we can do right now is try to gauge how he is, but since none of us can tell the future, maybe it's better to dwell on the here-and-now. I have two more days to visit him this time around; I'll be making the most of it.
