Weeks 10-11 Update, Spring

I appear to have gotten into the habit of finishing and handing in assignments early, by virtue of forgetting they've been postponed. While it's good in theory, I don't want my professors to get spoiled ;). Or, worse yet, to expect me to get things done at anything except for the very last minute.

I have three 10-page papers looming for the end of the semester, though for the food and identity one (Food in Science Fiction) I have six pages done already. After I finish the last little bit and two complete journal entries for feminism today I need to decide what order to do the 10-pagers in, and how to fit in the various drafts and smaller papers and projects in between. One thing I need to get done in the next week or so is a poster for food and identity summarizing my paper. I'm slightly worried about that one since I have no artistic ability whatsoever.

Speaking of a week or so, Andy is coming to visit! He'll be arriving on the 19th and attending three of my four classes on Tuesday and Thursday (the feminism professor asked that he not audit her course. It's not an anti-guy thing (we have three guys in our class), but she has asked people not taking the course to stop dropping in). He may also attend the poster session; I only just found out it was happening during his visit and haven't mentioned it to him yet.

I spent Easter with my mom and sister at my aunt, uncle, and cousin's house. It was nice to see them again, and I even managed to get their traumatized rescue dog, Chloe (a gorgeous Australian Shepherd) to let me pet her. The past two times haven't worked out too well since I tend to wear black by default, and the slime that abused her also wore black. This time I made sure to wear white and light gray.

Anniversary #12, 2010

Today is callicrates' and my twelfth wedding anniversary. It's also the first one we've spent apart. Not only am I in Oswego for school, but Andy is in Utah for a work conference. He'd planned on visiting for our anniversary until he found out about the work thing.

I think the separation just makes me appreciate him more.

We're not strangers to the long-distance relationship thing -- back when he was an undergrad and I was working as a phone-in tech support drone, we spent the four years apart. It was significantly harder back then; no Skype, for instance. Thank goodness for MUSHing, which allowed us to communicate without worrying about phone bills.

One other thing makes me sad about this day -- the fact that a good number of my friends cannot say the same thing about themselves, despite having been together as long as or even longer than Andy and I have. I am, of course, talking about the gay and lesbian couples I know. Even with the recent victories in some states, they are still left out in the majority. Denying them the right does not make Andy's and my marriage any stronger; in fact I believe that it weakens it.

I firmly believe that any consenting adults, no matter their skin color, sex, national origin, ability, age (note the "consenting adults" caveat), religious beliefs, absence of religious beliefs, or any other consideration, should be allowed to marry. No one has been able to explain to me why excluding anyone strengthens the union, yet we always hear about strength in numbers. It seems to me that adding to the numbers, making marriage more universal, would be the way to strengthen it.

I'll admit that one of my driving reasons for wanting marriage equality is due to the legal aspects. I've known a woman who was denied hospital visitation when her partner was comatose. It wasn't until the partner finally was allowed to visit that the sick woman came out of her coma. Because I'm married to Andy, my family cannot deny him the ability to visit me in the hospital should I become too ill to say for myself -- I want the same for my friends.

If Andy or I were not US citizens, by marrying the one would be allowed citizenship -- I want the same for my friends. If something were to happen to either of us, the other would be allowed custody of our kitties, the closest thing we'll probably ever have to kids -- I want the same for my friends, especially those with children. The rights of inheritance, the right to insurance, the right to end-of-life decisions, the right to make funeral arrangements, the right to any number of other things -- I want the same for my friends.

To those who say that this can already be done via legal agreements, I have two things to note. The first is that it costs thousands of dollars to make those arrangements. The second is that some states (Virginia and its Marshall-Newman Amendment comes to mind) have passed laws/amendments which nullify any legal arrangements which, paraphrased, "mimic the legal rights of marriage".

It may well be that the solution to this will be to have the legal aspects of marriage determined by civil unions and the religious aspects assigned to marriage. If I have to stop calling Andy my husband and start calling him my partner because our marriage is not religious, then fine. I really don't care what it's called as long as there is no "separate but equal" legal component. Separate but equal has never worked, and I have no faith that it would work in this case.

Andy and I have had many wonderful years as a (legally) married couple. I want the same for my friends, and I will work toward that end for as long as it takes. I hope that it happens within my lifetime.